I worked for a family restaurant for a few months in about 1985 or so. I would occasionally get tips from the waitress or from a customer, I did fast good tasting and presentable food, I was proud of my work. I wound up getting paired up with this one guy that hussled tips from the waitress, his food didn't really meet my standards, but it was a busy place and I couldn't do it alone. He'd constantly pressure the waitresses to feed the "kitty" each time they picked up an order, even if he was working on another order, he had to hussle. At the end of the shift, he was counting up his booty and I asked, "How much did we get?"; his answer was, "There is no "Our" tips, I hustled them, they are mine. I didn't say anything about it, and I did have to work with him a couple more times and he pulled the same tactics., but we rarely got the same shift. A few weeks later, the schedule for Super Bowl week end came out. Funny, he was scheduled and I wasn't. I am not a big sports fan, and I rarely know who is playing, much less even where, so I didn't think any thing about it. Suddenly my co-worker was talking about the great Super Bowl party with a lot or his and some of my and even a few mutual friends. I really didn't care to go to a party where everyone went nuts for no apparent reason, cheering eating and drinking, standing in line for the toilet and making a big deal out of something that I would normally use for an excuse to drink, hell, waking up each day was good enough for me, I didn't need a party.
Soon, the guy was fast talking other people to change shifts with him so he could make it to the party. When he got to me, he said, "Hey Tony! I'll give you $50 if you work for me Sunday. "Nope", I said. I don't want to work Sunday, too busy." He continued to beg people about that time, offering more and more money to take his shift. At the last possible minute on the night before the game he said "I'll give you $150 to work for me." "Naw, I'm good, I have other plans." I left that Saturday, and about the time half-time was starting up, my wife and I went down to the restaurant and ordered lunch, sitting at the counter where we could watch my co-worker really, really hussle! He was swamped, running his ass so fast that he didn't have time to beg for tips. I enjoyed it, he was working and I wasn't. I was eating lunch. I think I had a club sandwich, one of the most time consuming sandwiches on the menu. He didn't even know I had ordered it. He looked up and saw me eating it and started to turn red in the face. "YOU ordered that?" he said in an accusatory voice. "Why aren't you home watching the game?" I gave a big grin and I said, "What game? I hate football." I gave the waitress a big tip on the condition that that she did not share it with the cook. We finished up and went shopping. The stores were hardly at all crowded, we had a pleasant time and eventually went home and relaxed. You know, Karma can be a real bitch, ya know?
Sunday, February 2, 2014
To-daze Wisdom
There is a good reason for stereotypes. People are so predictable and conform to peer groups so well that someone had to coin a word to explain the concept.
Obituaries
Every day, I read the obituaries in the newspaper first thing. If my name isn't there, I continue on to read my horror-scope
Life is like a bowl of cherries. No matter how good it looks, it's still full of pits.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Anarchy?
Anarchy has more than one definition. Some use the term "anarchy" to refer to a society without a publicly enforced government or violently enforced political authority.[1][2] When used in this sense, anarchy may[3] or may not[4] be intended to imply political disorder or lawlessness within a society.
Others, including most individuals who self-identify as anarchists, use the term to imply a system of governance, mostly theoretical at a nation state level. There are also other forms of anarchy that attempt to avoid the use of coercion, violence, force and authority, while still producing a productive and desirable society.[5][6] Anarchy is also a technical issue of economic science.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchy
Anarchy appears to have arrived in Washington DC. Obstructionism and infighting on the part of the GOP and the divided Republican party have become the norm. Doing nothing in favor of selfish political interests to keep a useless position in the political agenda is what has become the norm for the right. The radical far leaning rightest neo-cons have taken minority control of the House and are intent on emphasizing the highly vocal lunatic fringe of the right. Anyone with common sense knows that this is a non-productive and dangerous sidetrack to a healthy government. Thursday, January 10, 2013
Like a fish
I am seriously disabled when it comes to numbers. I have always have had a very difficult time with them from the very beginning. I found that I have a condition known as "dyscalculia", it is similar to dyslexia in that the numbers transpose. Many times I look at a set of numbers and it might as well be one big hairball that my cat has hacked up. No start, no middle and no end, just a complicated puzzle of lines that have no meaning to me. I know my Social Security Number and I know my driver's license number. I have my phone number down and can tell you what it is. If I write it down for you, you gotta double check, I'll transpose something. I have no trouble with letters, I excel at words. It is a cruel joke that nature has played upon me.
I had to go to the bank today and talk about some finances I have. I generally forget all about them, they sit quietly in the bank an do whatever finances do in their spare time. When I am forced to confront them though, I am terrified. When I was talking to my financial guy today, I felt like he was the principal and I was once again forced to stay after school and practice the numbers till I got them right.
Once, I was asked to stop at the supermarket by a friend to pick up a box of tampons. I was fine until I walked into the aisle of the "Feminine Hygiene" department. Suddenly, I was faced with a choice of petite, regular and large. Heavy and light days, liners with wings, liners with out wings, easy plastic applicators or natural lubricant applicators. I had never in my life been so out of my element as that day. I mean a man cannot really explain that type of situation to anyone, much less himself.
I also guess that the another way to describe the way numbers affect me is like buying a bra. As a male, I am quite sure of what goes inside a bra. I am, or was at one time, quite adept at unhooking them with both hands, left hand, right hand, fastened in the back or fastened in the front, even those with no fasteners. I was a bra master. But, if for some reason I was chosen to go buy a bra, I would only know the basics. The problems start when I try to guess how it is supposed to fit, you know, putting the peddle to the metal, to where the rubber meets the road so to speak. I am totally out of my element. I know what all the basic moves, but I cannot put what I know to the task at hand.
That is the way it is for numbers and me. Some things just aren't supposed to happen.
I had to go to the bank today and talk about some finances I have. I generally forget all about them, they sit quietly in the bank an do whatever finances do in their spare time. When I am forced to confront them though, I am terrified. When I was talking to my financial guy today, I felt like he was the principal and I was once again forced to stay after school and practice the numbers till I got them right.
Once, I was asked to stop at the supermarket by a friend to pick up a box of tampons. I was fine until I walked into the aisle of the "Feminine Hygiene" department. Suddenly, I was faced with a choice of petite, regular and large. Heavy and light days, liners with wings, liners with out wings, easy plastic applicators or natural lubricant applicators. I had never in my life been so out of my element as that day. I mean a man cannot really explain that type of situation to anyone, much less himself.
I also guess that the another way to describe the way numbers affect me is like buying a bra. As a male, I am quite sure of what goes inside a bra. I am, or was at one time, quite adept at unhooking them with both hands, left hand, right hand, fastened in the back or fastened in the front, even those with no fasteners. I was a bra master. But, if for some reason I was chosen to go buy a bra, I would only know the basics. The problems start when I try to guess how it is supposed to fit, you know, putting the peddle to the metal, to where the rubber meets the road so to speak. I am totally out of my element. I know what all the basic moves, but I cannot put what I know to the task at hand.
That is the way it is for numbers and me. Some things just aren't supposed to happen.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Silly Season and Sick of It
The politics have gotten to me. For the last 3 weeks or so, I have been totally fed up with the news and how dirty this year is. I have never seen it this dirty before, and I have seen it get pretty dirty before.
Even Facebook has gotten so partisan it is not fun anymore. People that I thought were my friends put things up that are totally offensive ideologically. I never thought I could be at odds with so many people on so many levels. It used to be Republican or Democrat, not is is Libertarian, Totaltarian, Sectarian, Hate-tarian, and anything else you can hook a label to.
I feel if I need to create some sort of political know-it-all form of blog just to stay on top of shit.
I'll be back after I have considered my options. Currently I have two choices. Lobotomy or suicide.
Even Facebook has gotten so partisan it is not fun anymore. People that I thought were my friends put things up that are totally offensive ideologically. I never thought I could be at odds with so many people on so many levels. It used to be Republican or Democrat, not is is Libertarian, Totaltarian, Sectarian, Hate-tarian, and anything else you can hook a label to.
I feel if I need to create some sort of political know-it-all form of blog just to stay on top of shit.
I'll be back after I have considered my options. Currently I have two choices. Lobotomy or suicide.
Monday, May 7, 2012
How to Give a Cat A Pill
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.; Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws-Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new
one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the #$%^&* cat from the top of the
tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into
fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically
and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
3: Done!
Thanks Anja.
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.; Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws-Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new
one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the #$%^&* cat from the top of the
tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into
fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically
and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call
local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
3: Done!
Thanks Anja.
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