Pinked in 1978

Punk'd in 1978

    It was probably July 1977 when I walked into the liquor store at about 7 am. I had cooked all night at a local 24 hour restaurant. I was tired and I needed a drink, so I had gone in to get a pint of whiskey and a tall 6 pack of Buds.

    I watched the magazine guy drop off bundles of new magazines. One of the first bundles that hit the ground from the truck looked up at me with the cover blazoned with "The First Time Ever! Scratch and Sniff Centerfold!"

    The idea was intriguing, a scratch and sniff center fold. I was the first to pull a magazine out and take it inside the store. I opened the magazine to the centerfold, but it was a double, no triple, no quadruple-fold. The page was huge. It unfolded to a full size model.  The scratch part was in the bottom right hand corner. The way it unfolded, I had to hold the top left of the magazine where the centerfold was attached, and stretch my left arm high, and I had to bend my face low as I scratched the .. uh .. snatch, and then hold the paper to my face to smell. It turned out to be a rather awkward position, and the smell was a disappointing sick rose scent.  

    It took me a minute to refold the magazine and finally put it on the magazine rack. The clerk, wondering what the hell I was up to, came from behind the counter. I showed him the magazine cover and soon, he was going thru the same contortions as I had been in. It was amusing to watch him go through the same dance I had just finished.

    That is when I suddenly realized the joke that Larry Flint had just pulled on me and soon to number, thousands of unwitting men around the country.

    The model had widely spread legs and the object of the sniff was smack in between them leaving the nude woman's body spread out above the sniffer. There in the middle of the liquor store was a man with his face buried in the middle of a poster of a woman's crotch.

    I bought my whiskey and beer and then sort of hung around to watch as others came in and fell for the cosmic joke that Larry Flint had just punk'd all of the drinking men in America.

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only... - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only... - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given... - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given... - Friedrich Nietzsche at BrainyQuote

Super Bowl, in Retrospect

I worked for a family restaurant for a few months in about 1985 or so. I would occasionally get tips from the waitress or from a customer, I did fast good tasting and presentable food, I was proud of my work. I wound up getting paired up with this one guy that hussled tips from the waitress, his food didn't really meet my standards, but it was a busy place and I couldn't do it alone. He'd constantly pressure the waitresses to feed the "kitty" each time they picked up an order, even if he was working on another order, he had to hussle. At the end of the shift, he was counting up his booty and I asked, "How much did we get?"; his answer was, "There is no "Our" tips, I hustled them, they are mine. I didn't say anything about it, and I did have to work with him a couple more times and he pulled the same tactics., but we rarely got the same shift. A few weeks later, the schedule for Super Bowl week end came out. Funny, he was scheduled and I wasn't. I am not a big sports fan, and I rarely know who is playing, much less even where, so I didn't think any thing about it. Suddenly my co-worker was talking about the great Super Bowl party with a lot or his and some of my and even a few mutual friends. I really didn't care to go to a party where everyone went nuts for no apparent reason, cheering eating and drinking, standing in line for the toilet and making a big deal out of something that I would normally use for an excuse to drink, hell, waking up each day was good enough for me, I didn't need a party. 
Soon, the guy was fast talking other people to change shifts with him so he could make it to the party. When he got to me, he said, "Hey Tony! I'll give you $50 if you work for me Sunday. "Nope", I said. I don't want to work Sunday, too busy." He continued to beg people about that time, offering more and more money to take his shift. At the last possible minute on the night before the game he said "I'll give you $150 to work for me." "Naw, I'm good, I have other plans." I left that Saturday, and about the time half-time was starting up, my wife and I went down to the restaurant and ordered lunch, sitting at the counter where we could watch my co-worker really, really hussle! He was swamped, running his ass so fast that he didn't have time to beg for tips. I enjoyed it, he was working and I wasn't. I was eating lunch. I think I had a club sandwich, one of the most time consuming sandwiches on the menu. He didn't even know I had ordered it. He looked up and saw me eating it and started to turn red in the face. "YOU ordered that?" he said in an accusatory voice. "Why aren't you home watching the game?" I gave a big grin and I said, "What game? I hate football." I gave the waitress a big tip on the condition that that she did not share it with the cook. We finished up and went shopping. The stores were hardly at all crowded, we had a pleasant time and eventually went home and relaxed. You know, Karma can be a real bitch, ya know?

To-daze Wisdom

There is a good reason for stereotypes. People are so predictable and conform to peer groups so well that someone had to coin a word to explain the concept.

Obituaries
Every day, I read the obituaries in the newspaper first thing. If my name isn't there, I continue on to read my horror-scope

Life is like a bowl of cherries. No matter how good it looks, it's still full of pits.

Life Lesson # 937.2 A

Always check for toilet paper before you sit down.